Get Out of Jail Free Ticket

Shane is on his annual four day golf trip in Arizona and you know what that means? Get your disco outfit on, because it's girls night out…I mean weekend.

That's me. The female that can't help, but lasso a group of girlfriends together for a night of cocktails and laughter. Why should I sit at home with pink rollers in my hair. No ma'am, the Leave it to Beaver days are long gone.

In my attempts to counteract the boys weekend for an annual girls getaway such as Chicago, but that was too chilly willy shrinky dinky doo cold. Los Angeles was too smug with smoggy people like Paris and her geek heirs. New York City, my absolute favorite, was not enough time to explore. As Sofia says, what’s wrong with San Francisco? Home sweet home.

Since we (Sofia and I) are a bunch of scaredy cats, we’ll be alternating sleep overs at our house. Losers! We’ve got a night of Lisa Lampanelli, the Queen of Mean, at the comedy club and a dinner. I’m also feeling like making a nice fire in the fireplace and inviting a few of the girls over for a home cooked meal.

So let them boys hit them balls, I’ve got a soulful of laughter that needs to flutter.

Lesson: When little grasshopper can cast a shadow ten time his minor than he is ready to tango.

Fertile is Futile

Women have babies for different reasons such as religious, bring a marriage closer, tear a marriage apart, mistake, accident, love, hate, naïve, curiousity, age, blackmale and/or money.

I'm racing against time. I can’t see myself at fifty with the susceptibility of breaking my hip, because I might slip a disc while chasing my rugrat around with a broomstick. I would label my situation as “now or never” or “do or die.”

Note to self: stretch marks, saggy breasts, crying baby, husband nagging, head aching; definite baby repercussions.

Having to commit to the safety of a child for the rest of my life? Sounds like a lifetime prison sentence with no chance for parole. Do I have the guts?

On the other hand, I don’t want to be the well traveled couple that’s been everywhere, done everything and have made peace with the demons inside just to come out of the rat race with an empty shopping cart. I think I want all the mayhem, madness to go hand in hand with this demon/angel creation of a child. Nothing is a guarantee in life, but I can guarantee that kids will offer a lifetime of love that will cease my selfish existence as the nucleus.

Lesson #24A: Grasshopper must learn to eat glass before he can swallow kindness.

Happy Birthday!

Wishing my sweetie a happy birthday.

It's Shane's birthday today and for as much as he down plays his birthday every year by advising that I not celebrate it. Personally, I think his attitude is bull crap. I would not dismiss the opportunity of making him feel special. In fact, I would like to throw his parents a party to congratulate them on raising such a golden heart of a soul!

Once again, I have a dinner up my sleeve. Ssssshhh is the word of the day. This is on the down low fo sho. Sure it's not a surprise party like last year, but a surprise. He has surprised me with his compassion, love and generosity and the least I could do is surprise him on his birthday surrounded by his closest buddies.

I already gave him my heart, love and good intentions when I said, "yes, I will love you for the rest of my life." That, my friends, I can not wrap in a golden box, but it something we can keep in that special thought I like to call memory.

Lesson: A keen grasshopper should always meet the sun at rise and set, but play in the day that comes between.

Resolve me from my sins

Dearest Humble New Year,

I have succeeded to greet you free of hangover, hunger and heartbreak. I have a loaded gun full of resolutions as my positive girlfriend Sophia has relabeled them "goals":

1. PMS is an inexcusable excuse.

2. Neat and organized. Specifically, I will pick up after myself, but that does not include scrubbing tubs.

3. Respectful, to get to planned gatherings punctual and on time.

4. Maintain mischievous manner.

5. Since motherhood will be quite strapping, I will live this year like one big disco party.

6. Pamper. Facial, manicure, pedicure and massage.

7. Browse. I will not purchase a one sensationalized celebrity gossip literature, I am allowed to browse through the pages while standing in grocery line.

It's true that the above statement has been recorded, but I still burn in the flames of: apparel, accessories, handbags, shoes and movies.

Lesson: Grasshopper it is wise to set hurdles in your daily life, it doesn't mean you have to attempt to jump over them.