Take this tryptophan and Stuff it! In your face that is...

Twas the night of Thanksgiving, I just couldn’t sleep,
I tried counting backwards, I tried counting sheep.

The leftovers beckoned - The dark meat and the white,
But I fought the temptation with all of my might.

Tossing and turning with anticipation,
The thought of a snack became infactuation.

So, I raced to the kitchen, flung open the door,
And gazed at the fridge, full of goodies galore.

I gobbled up turkey and buttered potatoes,
Pickles and carrots, beans and tomatoes.

I felt myself swelling, so plump and so round,
'Til all of a sudden, I rose off the ground.

I crashed through the ceiling, floating into the sky,
With a mouthful of pudding and a handful of pie.

But, I managed to yell as I soared passed the trees....
Happy eating to all - pass the cranberries, please.

May your stuffing be tasty, may your turkey be plump.
May your potatoes 'n gravy have nary a lump,

May your yams be delicious may your pies take the prize.
May your Thanksgiving dinner stay off of your thighs.

MAY YOUR THANKSGIVING BE BLESSED!!
HAPPY THNKSGIVING EVERYONE!!

Gobbledy Gobbledy

My birthday whizzed by like a bullet. Halloween whooshed by like a rocket. In my crystal ball, I see dry turkey in my future.

Flashback: It’s Thanksgiving and I’m gnawing on a turkey leg as family members gab ear loads of gossip. The children, not mine, insist they’re not hungry. Persistently, the children-once again not mine-like a broken record whine and plea to play in their room. The parents rebut by threatening them with no dessert. I continue to stuff my face with seconds and thirds until my pants begin to cut off blood circulation past my waistline and that’s when the tryptophan kicks in. By that time, I’m golden. The tryptophan wheels me into a deep coma on the floor of the living room. Meanwhile, the males slouch with arms crossed anesthetized by a bunch of men in tight pants tossing a ball on the television. Suddenly, my deep slumber is disturbed by the covey of rowdy Neanderthals. Ugh, of course, touchdown…



Please don’t misconstrue my perception of my family and the holidays. Indeed, I absolutely love my family, but I need some quiet time. We’re heading to Glen Allen. We’ve rented a charming house with a heated pool off some beautiful creek in Sonoma. Another couple will be joining us. Undoubtedly, I am delighted to orchestrate a meal for four. In truth, I am giddy about the whole idea. This year I can let the tryptophan do its deed as I take a dip in the heated pool and relax to the sounds of the water rushing down the creek.

Lesson: Once Grasshopper discovers that there is not only one route to Shaolin Temple than he will discover self acceptance.

Apple Spider

I’m back from NYC! Frown. Although those three short days felt like a week, I could have stayed longer. Guggenheim, Soho & Noho, Moma, Cocktails, Dining, Shopping, Washington Square Park, Pastrami on Rye, Cocktails, Amateur Night at the Apollo, Hotdogs, Wollman Rink in Central Park, Pizza, Lower East Side, Bagels & Brooklyn. I barely scratched the surface of my beloved city.

Since we landed at 630am, yes an absurd hour, Vanessa and I dropped our luggages off and jumped on the train to Springer Street. If you haven't shopped in a delirious mental state, I suggest you try it! Meanwhile on Canal Street, I was on a hunt for the dark alley ancient chinese secret special. Onforth, we strolled through Soho and Tribeca. A few hundred dollars light, and we were back at the hotel than back out to H&M. Shopping is to Shellie as little boys are to priests.

Anthony managed to talk his way into a jam packed Italian restaurant by mentioning a friend of the family. A man by the name of Nino or Pepe or something Italian like Giuseppe. Anyway, the food was consistently beyond exceptional. It was absolutely dreamy.

Flashback: Summer of 98, I strutted down Ludlow with maximum blurred vision suddenly like a strike of a thunderbolt, my knees buckled and my stomach gave way to the wicked. There I was huddled over trying to direct my fluids into the gutter. My multi-talented friends chuckled, yet managed to hold my hair back from the projectile. As soon as my alchohol purge fizzled, my audience of bouncers and bar folks clapped and cheered just like I did as a child at the circus. In fact, they insisted that I come in and enjoy a few cocktails compliments of the owner.

I whipped through the city as fast as I could as time mocked me. I adore San Francisco, but NYC is still my grandioso favorite! Favorite. Favorite!

Lesson: A healthy Grasshopper should drink tiny doses of poison to maintain strength and vitality.

Chickville

As much as maintaining a strong marriage is important, having girls night out is my spoonful of sugar. I believe that we weave hectic lives and it’s only fair that I advocate to set aside a moment to spend with my girlfriends.

Indeed, Shane has poker night with his boys. I’ve decided to organize a roundtable of girlfriends weekend. I’m not talking about a “girls gone wild woo hoo get drunk and take off your top for beads” experience. It's fulfilling about a bunch of giddy hens clucking away over a nice dinner and bottles of wine. I feel that in this day and age, it is vital to maintain your own identity and happiness instead of being joined at the hip to my husband like some obtuse bottleneck.

Lesson: Little Grasshopper, remember that a road to eternal bliss is when you are able to laugh at yourself.

Apple Bomb

I meet up with Shane in NYC this Friday night. I land at 555am on Friday. I know it sounds early, but Vanessa and I are like a pack of wild dogs ready to ravage this city, previous to our boys arrivals, I mean. I am anticipating cramming some freaky fast shopping prior to his arrival. I’ll storm the street for generic rip offs and gnaw my way through the city. As a matter of fact, I have lunch reservations at Shun Lee's Palace at noon. The food is incomparible! I am restless for a heavenly slice of pizza. I will drop dead for some authentic Italian. I can’t wait to have a bagel and lox. Tick. Tock. Two more days.

So before Shane’s arrival, I will do my best to get all my personal time out of the way. If you know Shane, than you know that he’s a stickler for spontaneity. He is a man that stands by the “wherever our feet takes us” method of traveling. So am I? But a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do.

I luv, love, LUV NYC and know exactly where I want to go when I'm there. Ahem. Lower East Side beeotch!

Lesson: A sagacious Grasshopper will always talk you into having dessert first.

Free Bird

I dropped Shane off at Oakland airport this morning. As much as I’m going to miss him, I couldn't wait to enjoy the time to myself. See in a relationship, I mean... marriage there's a thing called compromise. Most of the time, I am proud to put Shane before myself. I think I heard a few shudders and faints from the femininist corner. I'm just old school filipino yo.

Flashback: Mom orchestrated the kids to clean the house in a jiffy before Dad got home by cussing in gibberish filipino and whapping us with the broom. His comfortability was vital to her. She always had breakfast, lunch and dinner ready. She always saved the significantly largest piece of protein for him. On the same token, Dad ensured mom’s happiness by treating her like a Queen. After dinner, he’d whoo her from the kitchen into the parlor. Mom, as usual, always giggled like a little girl.

Don't get me wrong, I feel no resentment, I enjoy making him happy. It is not a hassle. But! Don't mistake me for one without a spine. On the contraire froyer, if there's time to be had, I will always take advantage of time to myself. I think it’s extremely important to feed my soul with goodness.

Subsequent to dropping him off, I walked the hills of Dolores Heights with girlfriends. Subsequently, we had a nice cold smoothie and bathed in the beautiful sunshine at Dolores Park. We followed up with a light lunch at Limon. Sure, the service was slow, but I was in good company. I proceeded to my hip hop class for the next two hours. I had plans to meet up with the girls for late noon cocktails, but I had to fit in a good hour for my personal therapy cough clothes shopping cough.

I met up for dinner at Medjool which was absolutely divine! For as much as I wanted to go to a movie, we went to shake our romps at a club. I steered clear from cocktails, since I was recently advised of it’s empty calories. In my sobriety, my inhibitions were in full effect. My dancing was not as smooth as if it was paired with a couple nice shots of chilled patron silver. All in all, I had a fantastic Saturday!

Sunday, has always been my day to decompress. Unfortunately, Shane’s always coercing me to bike, hike, or do something active. As he always comments, "it's a waste of a beautiful day to sit in the house." Instead, I met up with my sister and nieces and had a quick bite of sushi for lunch. Like the Lord, I choose to rest on the seventh day. In celebration of rest, I plopped my exhausted body on the couch for hours as my mind melted into the back of my head. In fact, I had to peel myself off the couch to prepare a nice hearty stew for myself early that evening.

Lesson: It is always advantageous for little Grasshopper to adapt in order to be wise.

Sold to the Newlyweds!!!

As of today, we are official Potrero Hillians!!! Hip! Hip! Hooray!!! I just got the call from Shane and the house belongs to the Kitchens!!!

I am a very superstitious person. Not the type that eats toads eyeballs and goat balls stew on the night of the second full moon. In my silent modesty, I worried and wished that the stars look upon us with pity. This results in the repercussion of too much greek swirled with catholocism. Not only am I condemned to guilt, but that paranoia is relentless. Since eight years old, I have been a fan of Greek Mythology. The consistency in Greek stories are: foolish immortal boasts and gloats and is struck down for the rest of his existence with a curse. Hence the term "greek tragedy." I have discovered a long time ago that modesty is endearing and beautiful. On the otherhand, have you ever met someone that is a complete brag? Most of the time, they're quite repugnant and in result I'm unnerved.

Moral to the story is that conceit wears the same shoe as misfortune.

This is why I have been painfully silent for the past month about the birth of this great opportunity. Plus, Sophia's recently taught me to always expect the worst to avoid any dissapointment. True that! Hugs and Kisses to Kurt, Kathy, Uncle John & Aunt Nyra for all of your support and hardwork.

Lesson: Little Grasshopper silence is the beacon for best intentions.