Baby on the brain

Eighth grade flashback – in fact (cough) just (cough) yesterday – my teacher lecturing about women hitting their prime and getting that feeling. No not menopause, you freaks. It’s having that want for a child. Well, that damnation feeling has arrived folks. I have never had someone that is wholeheartedly on the same plane. I mean don’t guys usually run the other way? Nope, not my man, he’s accepting this dagger with an open heart.

I guess it doesn’t help when I live in Noe Valley where it’s infested with newborn parent epidemic. I mean when nannies and strollers outnumber dogs and their masters, I’d hate to say it, “but Toto, we’re not in the Mission anymore.” Back to nature, as soon as my insurance kicks in so does my pregnancy.

I know the happily married couples are hissing and dousing us with holy water to beware. The new parents, are like sirens seducing you into that quicksand, "It's a part of you and him, it's beautiful!! They're a bundle of joy!! There's nothing like it!!" I say, there's nothing like a stroke either, but I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Transclucently, these happy go lucky parents, gently omit the ruthless months of sleepless nights, the low sexual drive, the lack of self, the deficiency in patience. Oh, I hear the rhyme in your song you sirens!

Flashback: Sixteen years old full of angst and rebellion. Dark eyeliner and big hair, baby blue large anarchy t-shirt, plaid mini skirt, black creepers, Misfits playing on my walkman, “Why would anyone wanna raise a child in this world, it’s so evil and corrupted! I'm never having a child ever.”

Get ready world, because there may be a new Kitchen utensil.

Lesson: Grasshopper can not live on grass alone.