Starbutts

Sometime in June 2006, I walked out on coffee like a bad musical. Subsequent to my first appointment with the Chinese acupuncture, I was advised that the enzyme in the coffee bean irritated the female fertility machine. Nonetheless, any other form of caffeine was okay. I'm no saint, I have stumbled off the wagon once or twice, but what's the harm in one cup of coffee?

Since my coffee free debut, I have noticed a dark phenomena. On the way to work, during my lunch, in the office, on my way home, driving on the weekends, in the hands of celebrities, in the movies. Starbucks! It's taken over! It's everywhere I turn. It's in my face like a passive aggressive bum. In the financial district, there's a Starbucks parked on practically every block, if not every other. It's a Starbucks cesspool. It's disgusting. Talk about pusher. Walking from the N Judah to my office building, these Starbuckers with their glassy dazed walk of a zombie. There's more Starbuckers than smokers. I think that Starbucks is giving Phillip Morris a run for their money. I don't mean to dishonor the throne of Starbucks, but when do you say, "enough is enough?"

Shellie's Proverb: Nothing uplifting about a facelift.

Kudos to the Marketing and PR departments, they are filthy geniuses. They took the McDonald's Super Size strategy and went to the circus. As appalled Italians sit and watch the Americans in amazement: macchiato is a cappuccino; cappuccino is a latte; latte is a bowl of soup. Didn't we insult them enough with our version of the pizza? The cup sizes are another subconscious ploy: small a 'tall', medium a 'grande', a large a 'venti' and must be ordered as such. If ordered differently, the robots behind the counter will correct you on your ordering etiquette. Next time, just throw some water on them and see if they fizz out.

I'm not a political person at all, although I should be. I'm not a hater rater either. I would just like to see less of Starbutts. Give the cozy neighborhood coffe houses a chance to stretch and breath. I would love to see some sort of regulation requiring a maximum of 2 Starbucks allowed in one square mile. Regulate. How lazy are we? Give us a reason to walk a few blocks to get a nice cup of coffee? The next time you leave your house count how many zombies are cozying to a nice cardboard cup of Starbucks. You'd be surprised.

Lesson: A strong Grasshopper must remember when enemy does not look you in the eye he is plotting a conspiracy.