jack ass

This has worn heavy on my mind. Not that heavy, but mildly enough that it roams in the hallways of my mind. I have been inconsiderate to my single friends. Some of them, I shun, because their personality needs a little tweaking. Others, I aggressively shove on to any man.

Shellie's Proverb: Hyprocrites make a good ottoman.

Considering that there's a few friends that are in the single department, they sit high on my priority list. In comes Erin, hairstylist extrardanaire, very single, very successful and very pretty. For some reason or another, I am compelled to throw her onto any man. Are you single? Hey, have you met my friend Erin? As I shove her to the sharks of scum wads. The all time scuzz was the guy I brought over to a barbecue wearing a kilt. He wasn't hot, but he wasn't cute either. I don't know what my flippin deal is? I could pretend to blame it on the tequila --as I did pick him up at bar during Carnival celebration-- but I was coherent. I thought he was decent, but Shane was simply baffled. Like a bait to a bass, I dragged this stranger to the party for Erin.

Shane, for the most part, is disappointed by my male palette. In fact, he is disgusted. He scolds me constantly for not having high standards, much less any, for my friends. I must admit, my screening process is non-discriminatory, you just need to be single to qualify for the Shellie Kitchen matchmaker program. Sure, I suck, but in a world of atrocities, I mean only good.

What is my deal? I ask myself that everyday. I don't miss being single. Actually, I take that back. Giggle. I miss it a little. I had a lot of fun maybe too much! Chuckle. I just wanted to apologize to Erin for trying to miserably set you up with a bunch of yucks. On the other hand, my potential single male's -will henceforth go unmentioned- personality need a few more dimensions in order to make the cut. That means stop buying those damn expensive helicopter models and buy a damn car already, because we're tired of giving you a ride home damnit.

Lesson: A wary Grasshopper should know the way to shaolin is not on the back of donkey.