Time Bomb

I know I've been moaning the same lyric repetitively. Jesus, Joseph and Mary, get over it already! What is my deal? Millions of women do it everyday around the world, without the resistance I bring to the table. I should just take the blow of the bullet, but I can't. I am honestly taking this starting a family gig to another altitude. Why shouldn't I? My eternal clock is ticking. Oh god, sigh, I never thought that I would ever hear myself say that until that foul mouthed OBGYN planted it in my head. Oh lord, put this old horse down. Shoot me now before I do further harm to my body.

How my lifestyle will perish. In my attempts to self content, I am anxious to visit Europe with Shane. We've both been to Europe, but not together. I feel that we would really have a scream of a time, in a sense, a last hurrah for the time being. Ideally Turkey and Greece sounds fabulous, but I'll settle for Italy and France instead. All I can see on the horizon is Europe and it's outstanding food and wine. I'm in constant angst as I've exceeded my vacation time at work and time off with no pay is not acceptable at my office. So what do I do? Beg and squeal like a pig in hopes that they would give in to my pathetic existence? Decisions, decisions.

Shellie's proverb: A tortoise that rests in the same spot is adventurously stubborn.

I'm completely flipping out! Shane is convinced that one of our family members or friend would be happy to watch the kid (when it's appropriate, kid here's your bottle and get on that potty pronto kimosabe!) for a month while we travel the world together. I don't think the opportunity is out there. Maybe. May I see a show of hands? I could always fly the kid out to Hawaii for the summer. Definitely, not child abandonment. That's how it was done when we were kids, but does that sort of sinful leisure exist today?

For the sake of stalling, I'm just squeezing this lemon until it's out of juice. There's so many countries I have yet to explore, but should motherhood cease to end my adventures? Is it over? Will the selfish person that I am suddenly become selfless? I think not! This is probably just my way of stalling this process like a stubborn jackass, I just need a hard kick in the kaboose.

Mom's Lifelong Teaching:"In order to make a family strong, the marraige must always come first and the children are secondary. It is the strong bond between husband and wife that will keep the family grounded."
There was nothing dad wouldn't do for mom and visa versa. Fifty years and ten children later, they're love still burns strong. I take from them the power of devotion. Shane and I are bound through happiness, laughter and good intentions. As I swat inquiries of pregnancy from family and friends, I am deeply mourning my independence as a person. It is who I am. As other women embrace the joy of starting a family, I'm frightful to lose who I am and what I have with Shane.

Honestly, here's the lowdown on my shindig. I don't want to be one of those unbearable mothers. I am true witness to these common monsters. You know the ones that turn into Mr. Hyde after birth. The mother's that are so finnicky and particular about the child. Preaching about philosophy and theories knowing damn well that, a child in organic clothing does not guarantee a future as a world scholar. The ones that shove they're husbands in dark closet. I do not want to be that person. It's disgusting! That, to me, is selfish. I am deeply in love and I adore every aspect of my husband. If I have to fight to keep this grandeur, so let it be known.

Lesson: Grasshopper must learn to slowly walk over path of steaming coals in order to master the way of Shaolin.