Scale Fright!

It's been almost three weeks, since I signed up with Weight Watchers. I have not become accustomed to the scale. I'm actually freaked. My menstrual friend decided to sublet for a week; therefore, monthly bloating would contribute to weight gain. I discreetly jumped on the scale at the gym and my weight was stagnant. Well, I weighed the same as last week alongwith a few extra. I blamed the weight gain on a scale that was improperly calibrated. There should be a law. All gyms should have their scales calibrated so as to avoid clients' dissapointment. I'm writing my fellow congressman. Shane gently inquired on my weight, I growled and said, "I didn't jump on the scale." He accused me of lying.

Shellie's proverb: Never trust a hungry mule to pull your wagon.
I am so proud that Shane and I are doing this together. Shane will never admit it, but he too is on the point system. He actually bellowed when he noticed that his dinner portion out massed mine. Our meals are very well pointed based. He'll ask me smart questions like, "what did I eat today?" As if I am his shadow. Sometimes I wonder about his brain power, but this is why I absolutely adore him!

Meanwhile, I am livid to learn that my favorite foods are under lock and key. Moderation they say, I say torture! I have failed my culinary world. The final pieces are closing in as to why my pudge is fudge. For instance, cheese of all sorts -more dangerously- triple cream is now my enemy. Foie gras, my favorite mortal sin, is also infernal. How am I to just have a shaving of cheese? No foreplay and no orgasm? Moreover, a tablespoon of olive oil is four points! Four whole points for one tablespoon? I plunge everything in olive oil like my food was on fire! All those years of chef training dwindles slowly. What is the meaning of life? The hissing from mentor chefs are deafening. First, I cut out butter, than salt, now cheese and olive oil? For shame!

In the meantime, I am in the kitchen with my electronic scale measuring and weighing my food intake like some science geek. Who measures food? I purchased that electronic scale to portion items for dinner parties. That's it! Instead, I'm weighing protein to the exact ounce! My family would slap me silly, if they witnessed my retarded habit. They would hold me down and I would be force fed ten bowls of rice, slap me around a couple times and call me stupid.

I put my hands in prayer, St. Peter guide me to find courage in my heart to jump on that scale. One more wish, please help me find the encouragement and motivation, if I have failed.

Lesson: Always offer a grumpy grasshopper a bowl of rice for usually it is suffering from low blood sugar.